Since it Raya, and will be until the end of the month! I'm just going to blog a little on Asian cultures and customs(mostly Malay) and will try to relate them back to human communication.

As cultures affect the verbal (language) and non-verbal (body language/attire), people of different culture will speak and act differently.Thus, we have to be aware of these differences and try not to say or do anything that will offend them, and if you do, please quickly apologize.

According to our Human Communication textbook: Non-verbal communication is the oral and non-oral messages expressed by other than linguistic means. It can either be through written words, gestures, movements, appearance, facial expression and more.

Now comparing between us (Asians) ,Westerners, Middle Easterners and a few more in this few different aspects:

• Posture

Consider the following actions and note cultural differences:

• Bowing (not done, criticized, or affected in US; shows rank in Japan)
• Slouching (rude in most Northern European areas)
• Hands in pocket (disrespectful in Turkey)
• Sitting with legs crossed (offensive in Ghana, Turkey)
• Showing soles of feet. (Offensive in Thailand, Saudi Arabia)

• Gestures

Impossible to catalog them all. But need to recognize:

1) incredible possibility and variety and

2) that an acceptable in one’s own culture may be offensive in another.


E.g: Pointing : US with index finger; Germany with little finger; Japanese with entire hand (in fact most Asians consider pointing with index finger to be rude).

• Facial Expressions

While some say that facial expressions are identical, meaning attached to them differs. Majority opinion is that these do have similar meanings world-wide with respect to smiling, crying, or showing anger, sorrow, or disgust. However, the intensity varies from culture to culture. Note the following:

• Many Asian cultures suppress facial expression as much as possible.
• Many Mediterranean (Latino / Arabic) cultures exaggerate grief or sadness while most American men hide grief or sorrow.

• Eye Contact and Gaze

In USA, eye contact indicates: degree of attention or interest, influences attitude change or persuasion, regulates interaction, communicates emotion, defines power and status, and has a central role in managing impressions of others.

• Western cultures — see direct eye to eye contact as positive (advise children to look a person in the eyes). But within USA, African-Americans use more eye contact when talking and less when listening with reverse true for Anglo Americans. This is a possible cause for some sense of unease between races in US. A prolonged gaze is often seen as a sign of sexual interest.
• Arabic cultures make prolonged eye-contact. — believe it shows interest and helps them understand truthfulness of the other person. (A person who doesn’t reciprocate is seen as untrustworthy)
• Japan, Africa, Latin American, Caribbean — avoid eye contact to show respect.

Those are only some, there are many more but as we all know, there are so many different cultures in the world. It would be too long to post all.

Let's talk about Raya a little, or Malay culture in general.

The way we Malays (Muslims) give a handshake (bersalam) is different from how any other people from different culture give a handshake. Especially if its between a younger and an elderly person.




More on handshakes: Comparing Btwn Countries

England

In England, a handshake is standard for business occasions and when visiting a home. Women do not necessarily shake hands. A woman may extend her hand; men should wait for women to do so.

Australia and Mexico
It is the custom to shake hands at the beginning and end of a meeting. Women will often give a kiss on the cheek in greeting. Men may wait for women to initiate a handshake.

Malaysia
With younger or foreign-educated Malaysian, a handshake is the most common form of greeting. The standard Malaysian handshake is more of a hand clasp; it is rather limp and lasts for some ten or twelve seconds. Often both hands will be used. In Malaysia,
Westernised women may shake hands with both men and women.. Malaysian businessmen usually wait for a woman to offer her hand. It is perfectly acceptable for a women to simply nod upon an introduction rather than offering her hand. Women should offer their hands only upon greeting; too-frequent handshaking is easily
misinterpreted as an amorous advance. But men shake hands both on greeting and on departure. Ethnic Malays are generally Muslim.

Traditionally, there is no physical contact between Muslim men and women. Malaysian Chinese are generally comfortable shaking hands with both men and women. Many Malay Indians are Hindu. Most Hindus avoid public contact between men and women. The traditional Indian greeting involves a slight bow with the palms of the hands together (as if praying).

South Africa
Remember that an "African Handshake" is used between blacks and whites and blacks and blacks. To do this, shake hands and, without letting go, slip your hand around the other person's thumb; then go back to the traditional handshake.

Whites do not use this handshake with other whites. Afrikaaners and whites of both sexes shake hands when introduced. With good friends of opposite sexes: men kiss women on one cheek. Men greet close male friends with a handshake or a hug. In greeting men in a business setting, women should nod or shake hands.

Okay, so I know you know some of the things i just stated, but just showing how even a simple handshake can have it's differences, so imagine other slightly more complicated gestures. How much they can differ even in ONE COUNTRY! for example our beloved country Malaysia.

Reference:
1) Andrew's University, 2008, Non-verbal Communication Modes, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.andrews.edu/~tidwell/bsad560/NonVerbal.html

2) Global Connections Training, 2005, Cross Culture Notes, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.globalconnectionstraining.ca/resources_notes.html

3) FreeDigitalPhotoe.net, 2008, A normal handshake, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/details.php?gid=93&sgid=&pid=1104

4) ONE_UMMAH90, 2008, A handshake btwn a younger and an elderly person, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://suara-ummah.blogspot.com/2008/04/hukum-berjabat-tangan.html

5) Jabatan Pembangunan Masyarakat, Kementerian Kebudayaan Belia dan Sukan, 2008, A handsake between 2 muslims, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.japem.gov.bn/BIsyarat/Ucapan%20Ringkas.htm

so here is a short conversation..
perception perception perception!

The editor suggested by phone, "Let's meet for lunch. We'll discuss your writing project then."
"How will I know you?" I asked.
"Oh," she answered, "that's easy. I'll be the tall, skinny blonde."

I formed a mental picture. . . but one destined to be short-lived. For on that Tuesday, when she walked up to greet me, I was glad she spoke first. I wouldn't have identified her from the description. In fact, I'd glanced at her once, then looked elsewhere. She seemed average height, with light brown hair, and not all that skinny (which, of course, I couldn't mention).

Everybody has similar experiences. Written and spoken descriptions seem even less reliable than weather forecasts and lottery tickets.

We hear, "Great movie--you have to see it!" We rent the video, then cut it off after ten minutes, muttering, "This movie got an Oscar?"

You dislike the "super restaurant" a friend raved about. To you, prices were too high, servers were slow and rude, and you'd rate the food bland, at best.

As a result, we have popularized statements like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "One man's meat is another man's poison."

Communication specialists attribute these diverse interpretations to perception. They explain that each of us has a unique window to the world. Consequently, our viewpoints are truly customized, like a contact lens prescription which works for us, but not for the person standing next to us.

Life experiences shape perception. A Boston native will laugh at the Atlanta weatherman's "frigid" forecast, when temperatures dip into the 40s. Bostonians wash their cars on those days.
A person's needs alter perception. You've heard the advice, "Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry." You'll buy foods you'd skip when shopping just after a meal. Also, think of driving past a bank sign and seeing the time and temperature flashing alternately. Running late for an appointment, you're likely to focus on the time. Heading for the beach, you'll center on the temperature. In either case, the irrelevant numbers might not "register" with you. If asked, you couldn't repeat them.

Gender influences perception. Often we feel there's no exaggeration in John Gray's title, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. As Gray states, many male/female conflicts don't revolve around issues of right or wrong, just decisions made from opposite vantage points.

Certainly economic status alters perception. What, for instance, is your definition of an expensive house? Think back to when your salary was one third or one half of your current income. Your dollar figure for an expensive home was radically different then, wasn't it? Throw in how housing prices have escalated in the last twenty years, and you'll note another reason definitions change.

Physical characteristics play important roles. In the sixth grade, I learned that I'm largely colorblind. Maybe the editor I met for lunch really was more of a blonde than I thought. Also, were I shorter in stature, she could have fit the "tall" depiction.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Listening is a crucial skill for professional and personal success. Yet it seems like such a basic skill - we all know how to listen, right? But although this skill is basic in theory, it's difficult to execute. Yes, everyone can listen, but how many people can listen well?
Why is listening important? First, it shows respect to the speaker
Second, if you listen well, you can learn something

Here are 5 ways to improve your listening skills:
1. Focus.
If you decide that someone is worth listening to, then give the speaker your full attention. Turn away from the computer and set your cell phone to vibrate. We may like to think we can multi-task, but we really can't do it with tasks, and we certainly can't do it with people.

2. Show that you are listening.
Make eye contact, ask relevant questions n avoid checking your watch frequently

3. For a few minutes, let it be all about the other person.
Don't use the time to think about your rebuttal. It's important to remember that the function of listening is to understand what the other person is saying, not necessarily to agree with it.

4. Read between the lines.
Don't just listen to the words - also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other's body language and become aware of the feelings behind the words. 4. Read between the lines. Don't just listen to the words - also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other's body language and become aware of the feelings behind the words.

5. Resist the urge to interrupt.
Ah, this is a tough one for many of us, me included.

tadaaa.. as simple as ABC! don't u think so?

-marcia-
reference:
http://ezinearticles.com/

okie..
i went to the doctor yesterday and we had a small group communication..
it was between the doctor, mom, n i.
our conversation was something like this.
d-doctor
m- mummy
i- Marcia

d: so how r u feeling?
i: okie?
m: oh.. actually right. she had cough n flu last week and it was getting better. but now she's been experiencing fever on and off. is that dengue?
d: no its not. if its dengue the fever would be consistent. so, are having any pains? sore throat? headache? vomitting? anything?
i: headache comes after the fever n no pains. no sore throat. no vomitting
( he then checked my throat)
d: hurm it's not looking very good. don't eat ice cream n cold drink k?
i: okie..oh.. i've been shivering non stop off n on. after lunch, after dinner n at 6am when the temperature strikes!
d: oh okie. i'll give u a very powerful medicine.
m: excuse me. but may i know the symptoms for dengue?
d: explain explain..

okie.. so i'm sick. so irritating having fever off n on at least three times a day. vomitting after eating solid food.ish..not being able to go out during the raya break=( i feel like a vegetable.
anyways. this post can be based on sympathy.
so what is the defination?
according to wikipedia.
Sympathy exists when the feelings or emotions of one person are deeply understood and even appreciated by another person. In common usage, sympathy is usually making known one's understanding of another's unhappiness or suffering, but it can also refer to being aware of other (positive) emotions as well. In a broader sense, it can refer to the sharing of political or ideological sentiments, such as in the phrase "a communist sympathizer".

-marcia-

I mean, body language & listening skills. Duhh. :)

Nowadays, not only adolescents (mind you) but adults too have a problem with getting their body language right and perfect their listening skills.

Many people go wrong with this coordination, and unfortunately when it goes wrong misunderstandings are bound to occur that sometimes lead to unwanted arguments. Hence, losing friends.

Firstly, listening. It is a mirror image of expressive skills. They are the skills needed to help the other person make a clear and unthreatening statement of his/her own position.

You should...

• Give the other person your attention; this is where body language comes in critically. Talk about that later in the post.
  
• Listen for understanding; show interest. Its hard to show that you're interested therefore, body language is very important here too.
  
• Let the other person know what you think they said; in other words: feedback.
  

Listening skills are in most respects a little harder than expressive skills (body language). One reason for this is that they depend upon a foundation of emotional skills. It is hard to place yourself one hundred per cent at the other person's disposal when you are under threat.

Yet this is what good listening requires. It is listening for understanding, not listening for ammunition (a different listening style), and not mentally rehearsing your next statement.

So, to give full attention to one person requires body language. Some examples of gestures and their meanings (below) would do sufficient explanation on what this whole talk of body language is about.

Gesture: Brisk, erect walk
Meaning: Confidence

Gesture: Standing with hands on hips
Meaning: Readiness, aggression

Gesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Sitting, legs apart
Meaning: Open, relaxed

Gesture: Arms crossed on chest
Meaning: Defensiveness

Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched
Meaning: Dejection

Gesture: Hand to cheek
Meaning: Evaluation, thinking

Gesture: Touching, slightly rubbing nose
Meaning: Rejection, doubt, lying

Gesture: Rubbing the eye
Meaning: Doubt, disbelief

Gesture: Hands clasped behind back
Meaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension

Gesture: Locked ankles
Meaning: Apprehension

Gesture: Head resting in hand, eyes downcast
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Rubbing hands
Meaning: Anticipation

Gesture: Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed
Meaning: Confidence, superiority

Gesture: Open palm
Meaning: Sincerity, openness, innocence

Gesture: Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed
Meaning: Negative evaluation

Gesture: Tapping or drumming fingers
Meaning: Impatience

Gesture: Steepling fingers
Meaning: Authoritative

Gesture: Patting/fondling hair
Meaning: Lack of self-confidence; insecurity

Gesture: Quickly tilted head
Meaning: Interest

Gesture: Stroking chin
Meaning: Trying to make a decision

Gesture: Looking down, face turned away
Meaning: Disbelief

Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Insecurity, nervousness

Gesture: Pulling or tugging at ear
Meaning: Indecision

Gesture: Prolonged tilted head
Meaning: Boredom

References:

http://listverse.com/miscellaneous/25-examples-of-body-language/

JcqV.

We're going to jump back a few chapters and talk about different personalities and how it affects interpersonal communication.

Introverts and Extroverts! ( I just read about this in psychology -_-")

As their personalities differ, so is their communication style. But I'm not saying one can only be a total introvert or a total extrovert. One can be in the middle, or leaning slightly towards either one of them. It could change throughout one's life or depending on the environment and situation they are in.

Extroverts are people who are outgoing, friendly, spontaneous or you can just they are 'out there'!

• they prefer face to face over distant
• they enjoy sharing experience- need contact
• typically they -say what they mean and state what is on their minds

Introverts one the other hand are quite reserved people, they prefer being alone and there are 'in there' people! haha..okay! laaa..there isnt such a phrase.

• introvert is in minority and may be misunderstood
• introvert energy is from within; they avoid the crowd and like independent activity
• do not conclude that there is something wrong if they want to be alone

Obviously, it's difficult to communicate with people of different personality types, so! in order to communicated effectively, we should recognize the different personality styles and learn to work around them.

Tips for extroverts ( to communicate with introverts)

• take time to listen
• respect privacy
• don't overpower or overreact
  

Tips for introverts (to communicate with extroverts)

• initiate contact
• change non-verbal acts (smile)
• be expressive and look alive!

So as we know effective communication isn't always easy to achieve especially with people with different personalities, we have to give and take and learn to adapt to different people. And this is only comparing between introverts and extroverts. There are many other personalities people have research on. Example, between judgers and percievers or thinker and feelers.

Personally, I think of myself of more of an extrovert! And yes to whoever is reading and know you'll be thinking "Like, DUH!". I'm sorry if i portray myself of being too 'out there', i can comprehend that people like that are quite annoying! I totally know of one! but i wont mention la! :P

Mum said i tend to be snobbish at times..don't know whether that's true or not..that's for you(people who know me, if you don't! please don't even try to judge me without getting to know me first) to decide. Apparently (if i am) i got that from her and my dad! Haha. Blame the genes! But i would say I'm generally willing to make friends if your willing to too!

Me being an extrovert, I guess you can see from the way I make friends in college. I'm really glad I made a lot of friends in college. Makes life much more interesting. And now come to think of it, most of them are extroverts too! Probably that's why we end up being friends, because we can COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY!

As for the tips above, I guess you can say it would be useful, but not always necessary!

Reference:
1) A Falikowski, 2002, Interpersonal Communication and Personality Type, Pearsons Education, online, retrieved on 30th September 2008, from http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/ipsycom.html

Conveying and Expressing an Assertive Message...
There are many factors that contribute to effective communication, but one area that shows that you are able to speak effectively is how well you assert yourself during conversation. Here are four tips that will help you increase your composure when giving an assertive message so that you can present what you have to say with confidence.



Tip One: Speak Immediately.
When giving an assertive message it is important to speak about the topic you are concerned with while it is actually occurring this will keep the flow of communication relevant. If you wait for hours, days or weeks to approach the problem situation you may experience increased stress and sleepless nights as you brood over the matter. Sounds familiar? So aim to resolve the problem situation as close to when it is occurring as possible.



Tip Two: Be Direct.
It is important to realize that the situation that you are in is primarily affecting yourself, not the other person. In fact, they may not know or even care that their actions are affecting you. You will need to state the problem to them directly provide them with an example of the annoying action or behavior. Further to help resolve the problem, it is best to suggest some alternative action that they may take, or ask them to stop doing it directly.



Tip Three: Be Pleasant.
When you send an assertive message to another person you are asking them to stop performing some annoying behavior or action, and instead do something less obtrusive. So if you present in a hostile manner it is very unlikely that the other party will take you seriously. In fact it as more likely that you will create a huge scene, and turn your assertive message into an argument! Instead, take a deep breath and find a pleasant posture. This will help you frame what you need to say in the right manner and your delivery is more likely to be accepted.



Tip Four: Keep Calm.
The main risk in giving an assertive message is facing the resistance of the other party. Occasionally the other party may take offense at what you are presenting, or resist without apparent reason. In these situations it is important to maintain your composure. If you act offensively they will not want to help you. Make up your mind to keep composed even if there is resistance, and repeat your assertive message until it is accepted.

By following these four tips when giving assertive messages you should experience increased confidence and other people are likely to respond to your requests.

Reference:
By Charles Hopkins
Published 05/18/2006
http://www.ezilon.com/articles/articles/1436/1/Four-Tips-for-Effective-Communication

JcqV.

impression impression impression..
have you heard of an old saying that you only get one chance to make a first impression?
yes..
that is true. don't you think so?
the first impression someone has of you and you don’t get to go back and do it again
Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time on
a social occasion,
a date,
or even for a work meeting, it doesn’t matter.
the principles are the same.
why not make a great first impression?
you will never know who you will bump into again the next time..

so here are a few tips you should know in order for a good first impression..

1.Make the other person the center of attention
- listen to what the other person is saying and respond with enthusiasm. always be attentive!!
2. Use the other person’s name
-listen n remember their names when introducing each other. also give a firm hand shake.
3. Looks do matter
- do not dress sloppily and carry yourself proud and confident. why? because presentation can make an impression that lasts, and it's been shown that the first one is the one people remember, though your appearance changes later!
4. Smile
-smile sincerely at all times.. don't fake your smile and set a grumpy, unplesant look.
5. Eye contact
- eye contact ensures the other person that you are engaged, interested and invested in what’s being said. It’s one of the best ways to make a good first impression.

-marcia-