We tend to cling to first impression even when they are wrong. Lately, i've been struck by this, but at a point i was actually able to let that go and change my perception of people.

This happen back in august, as i enter class i sat right in front like i would normally do. And person A sat behind me. When A started speaking, my friend turn to me and we both had the same thought, which was, "OMG! A is so freaking annoying!, Why does A speak that way!" For quite awhile we never liked A, A is always annoying and quite a kiss up, in our point of view. No matter how friendly A might try to be with us, we just give a fake smile and walk away as quick as possible. I know it sounds mean, but hey, anyone would do it too when they don't like a person. Just lately, we were proven wrong. A is actually quite a nice person, despite the fact sometimes A can be 'over the top'. So now, we have totally change our perception of A, and we have no negative feelings towards A. Now we actually acknowlegde A when we see A around. It all good.

Now, first impression aren't always negative. Sometimes they are all too good that it makes it hard to believe that, the same person can have a 'bad' side too.

Now, person B have quite a personality. Everyone that know person B would say B is a very nice person and i defnitely do agree, but man! was i taken back by what happen lately. How can someone who is so nice, caring and just Good in general be so ... (a negative trait i wont mention). Whenever i vent out about the situation, and they dont know who im talking about, they would start guessing. They will start throwing out names, and i would say 'yes' or 'no', but when it comes to B's name, before i could say anything they would be like, "Oh, it cant be B, B's not that kind of person. " I usually just comment back that they should never be too sure about how anyone is, and they will never know who im talking about. It is not in my nature to purposely make another person seem bad, especially if it is someone i care about. So let's just leave this as it is.

This is just to prove a point that, your perception of one person may not always be right. And when it is proven to be wrong, one should try to comprehend and accept it. And not stick to only what you want to believe in, as one day you might just be blind sighted by everything and get hurt in the process.

The day i have my Psychology presentation is also the day we studied bout speech and presentation.

According to what we studied, it is important to choose a topic of interest to you. Thus, from a list given my group and I choose the topic The Art and Science of Flirting. Why we choose it? It is because from the very beginning we found the topic to be really interesting and it's something we're quite familiar with.

The type of audience we had was 'volunteers' so to say, as psych is an elective subject and people chose to take it therefor, staying through the presentations that came with it too.

Time! Well since our psych class is the last class slot of the day, unless people have LAN subjects to course, we could tell that some people was already really tired and couldn't care less of what we have to say. Thus, it was a little harder to maintain their attention, but overall i think we did quite well. Actually, there was even this one guy who was actually sleeping throughout the presentation after mine. Our audience were also our classmate, thus the expectation they had of us wasn't too high, which made the presentation a bit easier on us. Well for me at least.

Even with all that I learnt, I didn't actually think and relate my presentation back to human commm during the presentation, only after that when i came home and actually i thought of it.

lie lie lie lie....
do not lie we shall.

The fine art of lying is older than the human race itself.
After all, many animals are quite skillful at lying.
Just think of hunting predators, hiding from their prey, pretending they're not there; and of their pray pretending they are not there either or playing dead when that might help.

For as long as there was lying, there were ways to detect deceit. Some effective, some ineffective, some gentle, some quite barbaric.
The eagerness to know for sure, to tell if someone is lying or telling the truth is understandable. Nobody likes to feel taken advantage of, fooled, cheated.

Nobody likes insults to their intelligence or the pain of heartbreak. So, is there a bulletproof sure-thing method to detect a lie?

I have two pieces of news for you - one is good and another one is bad.

Which one would you like to hear first?
Well, I'll start with the bad one.
There's no bulletproof method that would work in all situations with all people a 100% of time. Even the most sophisticated, technologically or scientifically advanced methods aren't foolproof. That's why the results of a lie-detector test are not admissible in a court of law. It's not a 100% accurate. Nothing is.

The good news is, though, there are very effective methods. How's a 90-95% accuracy sound to you? If you can tell lying from the truth 90 times out of a 100, wouldn't you call it a success?
There are several modern methods of detecting a lie:

- Intimidation.
Unfortunately, it's an old-as-the-world widely used method. Probably because it's such an easy one - no finesse required. The tactic of scaring an opponent in order to make them spill the beans is often used by individuals and organizations in a position of power over someone else. I am not a fan of this method, and if you're looking for tips on how to successfully intimidate someone into telling the truth, you came to the wrong place.

- Physiology.
When a person is lying, his/hers body goes through subtle changes that can be detected most of the time by a lie detector machine which measures a person's pulse, blood pressure, temperature, etc. Obviously, it's not very practical tactic for an everyday situation. You wouldn't drag you child, spouse, employee or a business partner to a lie detector specialist every time you suspect them of lying, would you? I am not even sure it's legal. Probably, not.
There're also people who claim they can tell if someone is lying simply by observing the changes in their skin tone, frequency of breezing, pupil contraction, etc.. Personally, I have my doubts about accuracy of such an observation, but it's up to you to judge.

- Behavioral changes:
body language, facial expressions, changes in voice and speech pattern, general behavior. There're many methods based on observation of behavioral changes.

- Investigation.
Sure, in your quest for truth you can hire a private detective if you have money to spare or pressing enough need. Or you can do some investigation yourself. Somehow it always worked for Sherlock Holmes and Miss Maple. But if you remember neither Holmes nor Miss Maple spent most of their investigation time running around hunting for clues. Instead, they often used their kin observation and deduction skills to cut through all the lies and get to the truth.

In certain situations some basic investigation is not only appropriate - it's a requirement of a common sense. For example, when hiring a nanny for your child or investing your life savings, you'd want to make sure that people whom you entrusted really deserve it, that they are not lying and misrepresenting themselves, their skills and their character.

As for me, I prefer paying attention to people over any other method. If you simply pay attention and know what to look for, rather sooner than later people will tell you pretty much everything you need to know without even realizing it.

So, how to tell if someone is lying to you? Use one or several of the methods listed above (hopefully, not the intimidation, though) and you'll get to the truth. But can you handle it?

reference:
http://ezinearticles.com/

-marcia-

While sitting in DSA on Wednesday waiting for meeting to start, i overheard some people playing taboo. Then this thought to relate it to human communication strike me.

Taboo is a game where the objective of the game is for a player to have their partner(s)/teammates guess the word on their card without using the word itself or five additional 'taboo' (forbidden) words listed on the card. The giver may only use speech to prompt his or her teammates; any sort gestures, sounds, facial expressions or drawings are not allowed.

Last semester, during class break my friends and I were hanging out in DSA and they decided to play taboo. Angeline and Ivana were really good at it! Dila and I were just starting out so we were quite blur when it came to actually playing it. Surprisingly, the next day! in intermediate english tutorial class, mr.murali came in with a Taboo box set! and so the class was split into 2 groups and we played!

In Taboo using words (verbal communication) to describe another word without using certain words is the whole point. But we have learn that language are symbolic and meaning are in people not in words, so for a person to say a word to relate it back to another word that may seem so obvious to him/her MAY NOT be obvious to another person. This is because people make a mistake in assuming that others use the word the same way they do.

The pragmatic rules of language also may cause a word/sentence/phrase to be differently viewed.

Besides that, "history" between a group of people may influence the way a word may be understood and is related to, as different people will have varying history with other people.
For example, take Dila and I, since we are around each other a lot, there are just certain words that we relate to random people, that others may not necessarily know. If i say josh's name, Dila would think of camera, mac or Fart! or grandmother stories! but other people may not!
p/s: I know Dila will laugh reading this, some may know why camera and mac is related to josh, while others will be wondering what the other words mean!

Now, as for gestures (non-verbal communication), we all know while playing taboo it is NOT allowed, YET! we still sometimes do it unconsciously we will just move our hands to symbolise something. Non-verbal communication: emblems - are deliberate nonverbal behaviour that have precise meanings known to everyone, in this case is use to repeat or substitute words. Those who have played taboo will agree that consciously knowing that hand gestures arent allowed sometimes you hand will just fly out with them! and under pressure sometimes you may caved in and deliberately make hand gestures!

So, Mr.Murali here's another game you can use to relate to human communication! :P

Just got off the line. The conversation started off okay. Ended up a wreck.

It is amazing how a misunderstanding can just occur all of a sudden. I don't even know how this whole crapzoid (sorry Megan, use your word) came up.
Maybe I misinterpreted whatever he was saying. But, how is one not to misinterpret and actually have empathy in such a situation?

He was talking about making the right choice and all that jazz and it was rather clear, to me, that it was a huge ass hint that whatever he's saying is not a good thing!
I was upset,duhh. Wondering. Why is he saying all these? How could he?

I concluded that it's bad. Everything he's trying to say, in a nutshell, is just plain bad.
So, being a typical teenage girl, I just stay silent. Thinking that maybe the silent treatment would work on him. He would just scrap everything he said. Hinting to him, silently, that I'm unhappy. I'm unhappy because he's saying such negative things to me.

Being a typical male, he just went on and on. Even mentioned that things would be a lot easier if we were to talk face to face. So I said, "Hmm. K." Yes, being the typical teenage girl again.

Suddenly my silent treatment tactic like kicked him in his groin or something.
He lets out a long and loud sigh. He turns the whole thing around and I think to myself,
"Finally lah!"
He changed the tone of his voice. Less formal, more intimate(?). He used less ginormous words. More casual and short and easy-to-understand words. He restructured his sentences.

Well, 'Finally lah' not exactly... All that change just did not cut it. I was still...
dazed and confused.
In fact, I think I hit the end of the road. I just gave up trying to figure out whatever he was trying to say. I gave up trying to feel empathic. I just said, as a typical teenage girl would,
"Fine. I'm FINE. I'll be fine."
And, poor him: "I'm sorry. Just forget I said all that. Please? I'll pick you up tomorrow and I'll talk to you about this then. I'm sorry."

Now I am thinking...
That's all he could do. That's all he could do on the phone. God knows how many kilometers we are away from each other. That was the most he could do: change the tone of his voice, use common words, and restructure his sentences.

I feel so bad now. :(
I'm sorry I was being such a !@#$%^&*

Communication isn't exactly bliss. Not on the phone at least. Pfft.
Gender does influence one's character. Hence, in this case, causing severe misunderstandings in a simple conversation.

Signing off,
JcqV.

Noise by social scientist is describe as any forces that can interfere with effective communication.

Physiological noise involves biological factors like illness that can interfere with accurate reception.

Psychological noise refers to the forces within the communicator that interfere with the ability to express and understand a message accurately.

Because of these 2 factors, today I have communicate ineffectively and follow too much of my heart than head in expressing my thoughts. Well I'm not going to blame it all on the 2 factors, I personally think that I was being too judgemental today.

As everyone know, lately a lot of people seem to be sick and I'm one of them. Today was my worst day in college compared to all the days I've spent in college. Not only that the stress of overload of work got to me but I was also having really high fever, flu and cough with that today was the day where some people decided to create problems.

Now I'm going to tell you 2 incidents that happen today.

I confronted a person today on how he/she is acting/behaving towards something. As i was really sick and tired and at the same time was facing some problems and having to do so much thing at one moment, I just blurted out everything I felt and thought. Now that I think back of it, I knew I could have handle it better and put my thoughts and feelings in a more effective way that wouldn't have probably upset him/her. At the same time, because of the history we had, it probably had lead me to express myelf in a more exaggerated way than I would normally had with another person.

So, to you, you know who you are and if your reading, I'm really sorry.

Next, as I reached home my fever was even worse, so I slept off for awhile. An hour into my sleep, I was woken up by an sms. Knowing me, in a normal situation I wouldn't have reacted the way I did, but as I was really sick and tired, I reacted negatively without asking him/her any questions. Later, I learned that there was a good reason as to why he/she has said the thing he/she said in the sms. I felt so bad for reacting the way I did, but I already apologise. So I do hope that will make things fine.

Now, there is a saying that you always here, "You can never take back what you say". So in both this incident, there really isn't any way I could take back what I've said. All I can do is apologise and hope that my relationship between me and these 2 people aren't affected in any way, though people also always say that "Things will never be the same", which I do believe. So in both cases, even if the relationship I have with this 2 people won't exactly be the same, I do hope they won't change in a negative direction. This has definitely taught me a lesson which is, "Think thoroughly before expressing anything!"

Reference:

1) Ronald B. Adler & George Rodman, 2006, Understanding Human Communication, 9th Edition, Oxford University Press, Inc., New York.

Assignments are growing on me like parasites. Presentations are wrecking my body's nervous system. Exams are shortening my hours of sleep.

In advanced, I apologize as I'm about to copy and paste, and edit something I just read off an Australian University Database. Yes, I read it. Over and over again. Ok, well only three times.
It is on effective listening. In detail, it talks about some of the fallacies of listening.

Fallacy #1: Listening Is Not My Problem!

People generally believe they are better listeners than those around them. It is the people they work for, the ones who work with or for them, their family members, and their friends who have a problem in listening effectively—not them.

The people around us believe that we have more of a problem listening effectively than they do. This should tell us something. Listening is not just someone else’s problem—it’s ours.

Fallacy #2: Listening and Hearing
Are the Same

Simply having good hearing does not make one a good listener. In fact, many people who have perfectly good hearing are not good listeners. Having good hearing does facilitate one’s perception of sound; but good listeners don’t simply hear words—they focus on the meaning. We communicate effectively with each other insofar as we share meaning.

If I tell you something and you misunderstand me, effective communication has not occurred. If I tell you something and you understand what I meant—that is, if we have an effective transfer or sharing of meaning—we say that the communication is effective. Effective listening implies that the listener understands what the speaker means.

The difference between hearing and listening can be stated this way: Hearing is the reception of sound, listening is the attachment of meaning to the sound. Hearing is passive, listening is active. Understanding the difference between hearing and listening is an important prerequisite for listening effectively.

Fallacy #3: Good Readers
Are Good Listeners

This statement is often untrue, even though both reading and listening depend on the translation of words into meaning. Because of the shared translation function, there is obviously some kind of relationship between reading and listening; the problem is, many people mistakenly believe that all good readers are necessarily good listeners.

Researchers who administer different standard reading tests to the same individual find a high positive correlation between the two sets of scores; that is, persons who score well on one reading test generally score well on another while persons who score low on one test tend to score low on another.

Similar results are found by researchers who test individuals on standardized listening tests. Those who score high on one test tend to score high on another, and vice versa. Interestingly, however, there is often a surprisingly low correlation between one’s scores on reading tests and that same person’s scores on listening tests. For a demonstration of this result, consider the following experiment.

A teacher divides a class into two sections, randomly assigning students until each section has half the students. Each new “class” is placed in a new, separate classroom. Each student in one class is given a short paper, told to read it once and then place it on the desk, blank side up. Students in the other class listen as the teacher delivers the paper as a speech. Students in both classes are then given identical tests on the material covered.

Experiments like this one consistently result in certain questions being answered correctly more often by those who read the paper while other questions are answered correctly more often by those who heard it delivered as a speech. This result is really not all that surprising. When we read a document, visual cues—margins, illustrations, punctuation—become factors. On the other hand, when we listen, the speaker’s vocal emphasis, reading style, pauses, and the like influence our understanding. There is, then, a difference between processing information from the written word and processing it from the spoken word. The fact that some people are better at one than the other demonstrates the fallacy of believing that good readers are necessarily good listeners.

Incidentally, test results also show that most people score higher as readers than as listeners. Being a good reader is no guarantee that you are a good listener.

Fallacy #4: Smarter People
Are Better Listeners

Obviously, intelligence plays a role in a person’s capacity to listen. Persons with limited intelligence will be limited in their capacity to process the information contained in messages they receive. Conversely, those having high intelligence levels will possess a greater processing capacity. Yet, the belief that “smarter people are better listeners” is often false. In fact, evidence suggests that the reverse is often true.

Whatever the reasons, however, the fact remains that smarter people are not necessarily better listeners.

Fallacy #5: Listening Improves with Age

Certainly, the capacity or ability to listen and attach appropriate meaning to messages improves with age and experience—at least in the early years and at least to some point. But although listening ability increases, listening performance generally declines at some point. But this doesn’t have to be the case. The discrepancy between listening ability and listening performance is often due to our having learned bad listening habits. Here are some of the most common bad habits.

1. Learning not to listen. We learn a lot about not listening while growing up. For example, a parent tells us: “Don’t forget to wear your coat to school!” But we don’t want to wear a coat, so we “learn” to not listen. Later, at school, the teacher repeats an assignment several times, hoping to make certain that all the students have heard it. The teacher’s behavior reinforces not listening, since there will be multiple opportunities for us to get the information. Another example is found in the focus given to repetition in radio and television advertising. This repetition further conditions us against listening carefully the first time.

2. Thinking about what we are going to say rather than listening to the speaker. In trying to plan our response, we often miss the point that the other person is making. Then, when we do talk, it sounds as if we weren’t listening—which is exactly what happened.

3. Talking when we should be listening. Our entire culture seems to condition us to talk, not to listen. The silent act of listening seems no match for the messages hurled at us almost incessantly. The way to control things—to have things go our way—seems to be by out-talking others. Some justify this behavior by saying, “the squeaky wheel gets the grease.” But the truth of the matter is that we miss a lot by talking when we should be listening. A wise person once observed that since we were created with one mouth and two ears, we should spend twice as much time listening as talking. More of us should heed this advice.

4. Hearing what we expect to hear rather than what is actually said. This habit seems to become an increasingly greater problem as we grow older.

Hearing what we expect rather than what the other person means can pose a big problem. Whether we are listening to learn, evaluate, discriminate, relax, or improve a relationship, it’s important to listen to the other person.

5. Not paying attention. The name of this bad habit says it all. In addition to the bad habits discussed above, there are some other common factors that cause us to not pay attention.

Preoccupation. Sometimes we don’t listen because we are preoccupied. We have so many things to think about. Our mind is full of ideas, facts, worries. We are unable to put them aside while we listen. Nevertheless, good listening demands that we avoid preoccupation when someone is speaking to us.

Prejudice. Attitudes and feelings not tempered by logical thinking can lead to prejudice. Perhaps we don’t like the speaker. Or the subject may be one that we know little about and “don’t want to know.” Maybe we don’t like the method of presentation. In any event, we are prejudiced against the presentation; we have prejudged it. Consequently, we may mentally argue with the speaker. Or we may simply “tune out.” Prejudicial thinking can divert our attention away from what the speaker is saying.

Self-centeredness. Since we live with ourselves all day every day, most of us spend much more time thinking about ourselves than about others. It is therefore not surprising that self-concern interferes with our listening to what another is saying. We must work at transferring our concentration from “I” to “You”—from ourselves to the person doing the talking.

Stereotyping. As thinking and feeling human beings, we hold certain beliefs about a variety of subjects. We have “fixed” judgments or concepts which we believe to be true and correct. If a speaker presents evidence that contradicts our beliefs, we tend to ignore what is being said—either because it is not believable to us or because we don’t want our ideas challenged. Good listeners do not allow themselves to be trapped by stereotypes.

Reference :

http://www.au.af.mil/au/awc/awcgate/kline-listen/b10ch2.htm

JcqV.

Since it Raya, and will be until the end of the month! I'm just going to blog a little on Asian cultures and customs(mostly Malay) and will try to relate them back to human communication.

As cultures affect the verbal (language) and non-verbal (body language/attire), people of different culture will speak and act differently.Thus, we have to be aware of these differences and try not to say or do anything that will offend them, and if you do, please quickly apologize.

According to our Human Communication textbook: Non-verbal communication is the oral and non-oral messages expressed by other than linguistic means. It can either be through written words, gestures, movements, appearance, facial expression and more.

Now comparing between us (Asians) ,Westerners, Middle Easterners and a few more in this few different aspects:

• Posture

Consider the following actions and note cultural differences:

• Bowing (not done, criticized, or affected in US; shows rank in Japan)
• Slouching (rude in most Northern European areas)
• Hands in pocket (disrespectful in Turkey)
• Sitting with legs crossed (offensive in Ghana, Turkey)
• Showing soles of feet. (Offensive in Thailand, Saudi Arabia)

• Gestures

Impossible to catalog them all. But need to recognize:

1) incredible possibility and variety and

2) that an acceptable in one’s own culture may be offensive in another.


E.g: Pointing : US with index finger; Germany with little finger; Japanese with entire hand (in fact most Asians consider pointing with index finger to be rude).

• Facial Expressions

While some say that facial expressions are identical, meaning attached to them differs. Majority opinion is that these do have similar meanings world-wide with respect to smiling, crying, or showing anger, sorrow, or disgust. However, the intensity varies from culture to culture. Note the following:

• Many Asian cultures suppress facial expression as much as possible.
• Many Mediterranean (Latino / Arabic) cultures exaggerate grief or sadness while most American men hide grief or sorrow.

• Eye Contact and Gaze

In USA, eye contact indicates: degree of attention or interest, influences attitude change or persuasion, regulates interaction, communicates emotion, defines power and status, and has a central role in managing impressions of others.

• Western cultures — see direct eye to eye contact as positive (advise children to look a person in the eyes). But within USA, African-Americans use more eye contact when talking and less when listening with reverse true for Anglo Americans. This is a possible cause for some sense of unease between races in US. A prolonged gaze is often seen as a sign of sexual interest.
• Arabic cultures make prolonged eye-contact. — believe it shows interest and helps them understand truthfulness of the other person. (A person who doesn’t reciprocate is seen as untrustworthy)
• Japan, Africa, Latin American, Caribbean — avoid eye contact to show respect.

Those are only some, there are many more but as we all know, there are so many different cultures in the world. It would be too long to post all.

Let's talk about Raya a little, or Malay culture in general.

The way we Malays (Muslims) give a handshake (bersalam) is different from how any other people from different culture give a handshake. Especially if its between a younger and an elderly person.




More on handshakes: Comparing Btwn Countries

England

In England, a handshake is standard for business occasions and when visiting a home. Women do not necessarily shake hands. A woman may extend her hand; men should wait for women to do so.

Australia and Mexico
It is the custom to shake hands at the beginning and end of a meeting. Women will often give a kiss on the cheek in greeting. Men may wait for women to initiate a handshake.

Malaysia
With younger or foreign-educated Malaysian, a handshake is the most common form of greeting. The standard Malaysian handshake is more of a hand clasp; it is rather limp and lasts for some ten or twelve seconds. Often both hands will be used. In Malaysia,
Westernised women may shake hands with both men and women.. Malaysian businessmen usually wait for a woman to offer her hand. It is perfectly acceptable for a women to simply nod upon an introduction rather than offering her hand. Women should offer their hands only upon greeting; too-frequent handshaking is easily
misinterpreted as an amorous advance. But men shake hands both on greeting and on departure. Ethnic Malays are generally Muslim.

Traditionally, there is no physical contact between Muslim men and women. Malaysian Chinese are generally comfortable shaking hands with both men and women. Many Malay Indians are Hindu. Most Hindus avoid public contact between men and women. The traditional Indian greeting involves a slight bow with the palms of the hands together (as if praying).

South Africa
Remember that an "African Handshake" is used between blacks and whites and blacks and blacks. To do this, shake hands and, without letting go, slip your hand around the other person's thumb; then go back to the traditional handshake.

Whites do not use this handshake with other whites. Afrikaaners and whites of both sexes shake hands when introduced. With good friends of opposite sexes: men kiss women on one cheek. Men greet close male friends with a handshake or a hug. In greeting men in a business setting, women should nod or shake hands.

Okay, so I know you know some of the things i just stated, but just showing how even a simple handshake can have it's differences, so imagine other slightly more complicated gestures. How much they can differ even in ONE COUNTRY! for example our beloved country Malaysia.

Reference:
1) Andrew's University, 2008, Non-verbal Communication Modes, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.andrews.edu/~tidwell/bsad560/NonVerbal.html

2) Global Connections Training, 2005, Cross Culture Notes, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.globalconnectionstraining.ca/resources_notes.html

3) FreeDigitalPhotoe.net, 2008, A normal handshake, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.freedigitalphotos.net/details.php?gid=93&sgid=&pid=1104

4) ONE_UMMAH90, 2008, A handshake btwn a younger and an elderly person, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://suara-ummah.blogspot.com/2008/04/hukum-berjabat-tangan.html

5) Jabatan Pembangunan Masyarakat, Kementerian Kebudayaan Belia dan Sukan, 2008, A handsake between 2 muslims, online, retrieved on 5th October 2008, from http://www.japem.gov.bn/BIsyarat/Ucapan%20Ringkas.htm

so here is a short conversation..
perception perception perception!

The editor suggested by phone, "Let's meet for lunch. We'll discuss your writing project then."
"How will I know you?" I asked.
"Oh," she answered, "that's easy. I'll be the tall, skinny blonde."

I formed a mental picture. . . but one destined to be short-lived. For on that Tuesday, when she walked up to greet me, I was glad she spoke first. I wouldn't have identified her from the description. In fact, I'd glanced at her once, then looked elsewhere. She seemed average height, with light brown hair, and not all that skinny (which, of course, I couldn't mention).

Everybody has similar experiences. Written and spoken descriptions seem even less reliable than weather forecasts and lottery tickets.

We hear, "Great movie--you have to see it!" We rent the video, then cut it off after ten minutes, muttering, "This movie got an Oscar?"

You dislike the "super restaurant" a friend raved about. To you, prices were too high, servers were slow and rude, and you'd rate the food bland, at best.

As a result, we have popularized statements like "Beauty is in the eye of the beholder" and "One man's meat is another man's poison."

Communication specialists attribute these diverse interpretations to perception. They explain that each of us has a unique window to the world. Consequently, our viewpoints are truly customized, like a contact lens prescription which works for us, but not for the person standing next to us.

Life experiences shape perception. A Boston native will laugh at the Atlanta weatherman's "frigid" forecast, when temperatures dip into the 40s. Bostonians wash their cars on those days.
A person's needs alter perception. You've heard the advice, "Don't go grocery shopping when you're hungry." You'll buy foods you'd skip when shopping just after a meal. Also, think of driving past a bank sign and seeing the time and temperature flashing alternately. Running late for an appointment, you're likely to focus on the time. Heading for the beach, you'll center on the temperature. In either case, the irrelevant numbers might not "register" with you. If asked, you couldn't repeat them.

Gender influences perception. Often we feel there's no exaggeration in John Gray's title, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus. As Gray states, many male/female conflicts don't revolve around issues of right or wrong, just decisions made from opposite vantage points.

Certainly economic status alters perception. What, for instance, is your definition of an expensive house? Think back to when your salary was one third or one half of your current income. Your dollar figure for an expensive home was radically different then, wasn't it? Throw in how housing prices have escalated in the last twenty years, and you'll note another reason definitions change.

Physical characteristics play important roles. In the sixth grade, I learned that I'm largely colorblind. Maybe the editor I met for lunch really was more of a blonde than I thought. Also, were I shorter in stature, she could have fit the "tall" depiction.
/////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

Listening is a crucial skill for professional and personal success. Yet it seems like such a basic skill - we all know how to listen, right? But although this skill is basic in theory, it's difficult to execute. Yes, everyone can listen, but how many people can listen well?
Why is listening important? First, it shows respect to the speaker
Second, if you listen well, you can learn something

Here are 5 ways to improve your listening skills:
1. Focus.
If you decide that someone is worth listening to, then give the speaker your full attention. Turn away from the computer and set your cell phone to vibrate. We may like to think we can multi-task, but we really can't do it with tasks, and we certainly can't do it with people.

2. Show that you are listening.
Make eye contact, ask relevant questions n avoid checking your watch frequently

3. For a few minutes, let it be all about the other person.
Don't use the time to think about your rebuttal. It's important to remember that the function of listening is to understand what the other person is saying, not necessarily to agree with it.

4. Read between the lines.
Don't just listen to the words - also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other's body language and become aware of the feelings behind the words. 4. Read between the lines. Don't just listen to the words - also tune into the non-verbal communications. Watch the other's body language and become aware of the feelings behind the words.

5. Resist the urge to interrupt.
Ah, this is a tough one for many of us, me included.

tadaaa.. as simple as ABC! don't u think so?

-marcia-
reference:
http://ezinearticles.com/

okie..
i went to the doctor yesterday and we had a small group communication..
it was between the doctor, mom, n i.
our conversation was something like this.
d-doctor
m- mummy
i- Marcia

d: so how r u feeling?
i: okie?
m: oh.. actually right. she had cough n flu last week and it was getting better. but now she's been experiencing fever on and off. is that dengue?
d: no its not. if its dengue the fever would be consistent. so, are having any pains? sore throat? headache? vomitting? anything?
i: headache comes after the fever n no pains. no sore throat. no vomitting
( he then checked my throat)
d: hurm it's not looking very good. don't eat ice cream n cold drink k?
i: okie..oh.. i've been shivering non stop off n on. after lunch, after dinner n at 6am when the temperature strikes!
d: oh okie. i'll give u a very powerful medicine.
m: excuse me. but may i know the symptoms for dengue?
d: explain explain..

okie.. so i'm sick. so irritating having fever off n on at least three times a day. vomitting after eating solid food.ish..not being able to go out during the raya break=( i feel like a vegetable.
anyways. this post can be based on sympathy.
so what is the defination?
according to wikipedia.
Sympathy exists when the feelings or emotions of one person are deeply understood and even appreciated by another person. In common usage, sympathy is usually making known one's understanding of another's unhappiness or suffering, but it can also refer to being aware of other (positive) emotions as well. In a broader sense, it can refer to the sharing of political or ideological sentiments, such as in the phrase "a communist sympathizer".

-marcia-

I mean, body language & listening skills. Duhh. :)

Nowadays, not only adolescents (mind you) but adults too have a problem with getting their body language right and perfect their listening skills.

Many people go wrong with this coordination, and unfortunately when it goes wrong misunderstandings are bound to occur that sometimes lead to unwanted arguments. Hence, losing friends.

Firstly, listening. It is a mirror image of expressive skills. They are the skills needed to help the other person make a clear and unthreatening statement of his/her own position.

You should...

• Give the other person your attention; this is where body language comes in critically. Talk about that later in the post.
  
• Listen for understanding; show interest. Its hard to show that you're interested therefore, body language is very important here too.
  
• Let the other person know what you think they said; in other words: feedback.
  

Listening skills are in most respects a little harder than expressive skills (body language). One reason for this is that they depend upon a foundation of emotional skills. It is hard to place yourself one hundred per cent at the other person's disposal when you are under threat.

Yet this is what good listening requires. It is listening for understanding, not listening for ammunition (a different listening style), and not mentally rehearsing your next statement.

So, to give full attention to one person requires body language. Some examples of gestures and their meanings (below) would do sufficient explanation on what this whole talk of body language is about.

Gesture: Brisk, erect walk
Meaning: Confidence

Gesture: Standing with hands on hips
Meaning: Readiness, aggression

Gesture: Sitting with legs crossed, foot kicking slightly
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Sitting, legs apart
Meaning: Open, relaxed

Gesture: Arms crossed on chest
Meaning: Defensiveness

Gesture: Walking with hands in pockets, shoulders hunched
Meaning: Dejection

Gesture: Hand to cheek
Meaning: Evaluation, thinking

Gesture: Touching, slightly rubbing nose
Meaning: Rejection, doubt, lying

Gesture: Rubbing the eye
Meaning: Doubt, disbelief

Gesture: Hands clasped behind back
Meaning: Anger, frustration, apprehension

Gesture: Locked ankles
Meaning: Apprehension

Gesture: Head resting in hand, eyes downcast
Meaning: Boredom

Gesture: Rubbing hands
Meaning: Anticipation

Gesture: Sitting with hands clasped behind head, legs crossed
Meaning: Confidence, superiority

Gesture: Open palm
Meaning: Sincerity, openness, innocence

Gesture: Pinching bridge of nose, eyes closed
Meaning: Negative evaluation

Gesture: Tapping or drumming fingers
Meaning: Impatience

Gesture: Steepling fingers
Meaning: Authoritative

Gesture: Patting/fondling hair
Meaning: Lack of self-confidence; insecurity

Gesture: Quickly tilted head
Meaning: Interest

Gesture: Stroking chin
Meaning: Trying to make a decision

Gesture: Looking down, face turned away
Meaning: Disbelief

Gesture: Biting nails
Meaning: Insecurity, nervousness

Gesture: Pulling or tugging at ear
Meaning: Indecision

Gesture: Prolonged tilted head
Meaning: Boredom

References:

http://listverse.com/miscellaneous/25-examples-of-body-language/

JcqV.

We're going to jump back a few chapters and talk about different personalities and how it affects interpersonal communication.

Introverts and Extroverts! ( I just read about this in psychology -_-")

As their personalities differ, so is their communication style. But I'm not saying one can only be a total introvert or a total extrovert. One can be in the middle, or leaning slightly towards either one of them. It could change throughout one's life or depending on the environment and situation they are in.

Extroverts are people who are outgoing, friendly, spontaneous or you can just they are 'out there'!

• they prefer face to face over distant
• they enjoy sharing experience- need contact
• typically they -say what they mean and state what is on their minds

Introverts one the other hand are quite reserved people, they prefer being alone and there are 'in there' people! haha..okay! laaa..there isnt such a phrase.

• introvert is in minority and may be misunderstood
• introvert energy is from within; they avoid the crowd and like independent activity
• do not conclude that there is something wrong if they want to be alone

Obviously, it's difficult to communicate with people of different personality types, so! in order to communicated effectively, we should recognize the different personality styles and learn to work around them.

Tips for extroverts ( to communicate with introverts)

• take time to listen
• respect privacy
• don't overpower or overreact
  

Tips for introverts (to communicate with extroverts)

• initiate contact
• change non-verbal acts (smile)
• be expressive and look alive!

So as we know effective communication isn't always easy to achieve especially with people with different personalities, we have to give and take and learn to adapt to different people. And this is only comparing between introverts and extroverts. There are many other personalities people have research on. Example, between judgers and percievers or thinker and feelers.

Personally, I think of myself of more of an extrovert! And yes to whoever is reading and know you'll be thinking "Like, DUH!". I'm sorry if i portray myself of being too 'out there', i can comprehend that people like that are quite annoying! I totally know of one! but i wont mention la! :P

Mum said i tend to be snobbish at times..don't know whether that's true or not..that's for you(people who know me, if you don't! please don't even try to judge me without getting to know me first) to decide. Apparently (if i am) i got that from her and my dad! Haha. Blame the genes! But i would say I'm generally willing to make friends if your willing to too!

Me being an extrovert, I guess you can see from the way I make friends in college. I'm really glad I made a lot of friends in college. Makes life much more interesting. And now come to think of it, most of them are extroverts too! Probably that's why we end up being friends, because we can COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY!

As for the tips above, I guess you can say it would be useful, but not always necessary!

Reference:
1) A Falikowski, 2002, Interpersonal Communication and Personality Type, Pearsons Education, online, retrieved on 30th September 2008, from http://webhome.idirect.com/~kehamilt/ipsycom.html

Conveying and Expressing an Assertive Message...
There are many factors that contribute to effective communication, but one area that shows that you are able to speak effectively is how well you assert yourself during conversation. Here are four tips that will help you increase your composure when giving an assertive message so that you can present what you have to say with confidence.



Tip One: Speak Immediately.
When giving an assertive message it is important to speak about the topic you are concerned with while it is actually occurring this will keep the flow of communication relevant. If you wait for hours, days or weeks to approach the problem situation you may experience increased stress and sleepless nights as you brood over the matter. Sounds familiar? So aim to resolve the problem situation as close to when it is occurring as possible.



Tip Two: Be Direct.
It is important to realize that the situation that you are in is primarily affecting yourself, not the other person. In fact, they may not know or even care that their actions are affecting you. You will need to state the problem to them directly provide them with an example of the annoying action or behavior. Further to help resolve the problem, it is best to suggest some alternative action that they may take, or ask them to stop doing it directly.



Tip Three: Be Pleasant.
When you send an assertive message to another person you are asking them to stop performing some annoying behavior or action, and instead do something less obtrusive. So if you present in a hostile manner it is very unlikely that the other party will take you seriously. In fact it as more likely that you will create a huge scene, and turn your assertive message into an argument! Instead, take a deep breath and find a pleasant posture. This will help you frame what you need to say in the right manner and your delivery is more likely to be accepted.



Tip Four: Keep Calm.
The main risk in giving an assertive message is facing the resistance of the other party. Occasionally the other party may take offense at what you are presenting, or resist without apparent reason. In these situations it is important to maintain your composure. If you act offensively they will not want to help you. Make up your mind to keep composed even if there is resistance, and repeat your assertive message until it is accepted.

By following these four tips when giving assertive messages you should experience increased confidence and other people are likely to respond to your requests.

Reference:
By Charles Hopkins
Published 05/18/2006
http://www.ezilon.com/articles/articles/1436/1/Four-Tips-for-Effective-Communication

JcqV.

impression impression impression..
have you heard of an old saying that you only get one chance to make a first impression?
yes..
that is true. don't you think so?
the first impression someone has of you and you don’t get to go back and do it again
Whether you’re meeting someone for the first time on
a social occasion,
a date,
or even for a work meeting, it doesn’t matter.
the principles are the same.
why not make a great first impression?
you will never know who you will bump into again the next time..

so here are a few tips you should know in order for a good first impression..

1.Make the other person the center of attention
- listen to what the other person is saying and respond with enthusiasm. always be attentive!!
2. Use the other person’s name
-listen n remember their names when introducing each other. also give a firm hand shake.
3. Looks do matter
- do not dress sloppily and carry yourself proud and confident. why? because presentation can make an impression that lasts, and it's been shown that the first one is the one people remember, though your appearance changes later!
4. Smile
-smile sincerely at all times.. don't fake your smile and set a grumpy, unplesant look.
5. Eye contact
- eye contact ensures the other person that you are engaged, interested and invested in what’s being said. It’s one of the best ways to make a good first impression.

-marcia-

Continuing from my previous post about white lies.

White lies are usually lies that cause no harm. White lie or not..it is still consider a LIE! but in communication telling a white lie MAYBE important. One reason of course is for face-saving purposes, no one person in this world would want to be totally humiliated. Second is usually told to avoid disagreements and arguments.
Example: When a girl asked how she looks in whatever that she is wearing, normally guys would just say it looks nice or good even if it really doesn't. As most girls take their appearance really seriously and guys being guys would just wanna avoid conflict.

Next, when its concerning children, parents would use white lies to cover up certain topics that the children shouldn't learn to know about yet.
Example: When a child ask "Where do babies come from?" or "Where is God?"

Well lie in general are of course BAD. Ever heard the saying, "Honesty is the best policy"? Though in general, society would want to believe that is true,but they still lie!

"Research from social psychology suggests as many as one third of typical daily interactions involve some form of deception. This can be defined as a “deliberate attempt, without forewarning, to create in another a belief which the communicator considers to be untrue.” DePaulo and her colleagues, for example, have observed that university students report telling about two lies a day, while non-student populations report about one a day.The types of lies observed in these studies vary, from small “white” lies, in which inconsequential lies are told to be tactful or polite (such as saying “I love your haircut” when in fact you do not), to more serious lies (such as denying an affair)."

So whats does that tell you about the people around you? Haha. Unexpected would be the word isn't it?

In this so called modern era, with the presence to telecommunication technology, we now not only communicate face-to-face, but also through phone calls, emails, instant messaging and many more. Do you think with the presence of this technology, society would lie even more or find it easier to lie?

According to the same research, yes! "Although the total number of lies was greatest in the face-to-face setting, the highest proportion of lies occurred in telephone conversations, with 37 per cent of phone interactions involving some deception, significantly higher than lies in face-to-face conversations (27 per cent)."

So people, if you think your friends/family/business partner don't lie on a daily basis. THINK AGAIN! :P

Reference:
1) Jeff Hancock, Jennifer Thom-Santelli and Thompson Ritchie, 2004, We are more likely to lie over the phone than in an email, online, retrieved on 27th September 2008, from http://www.onlineopinion.com.au/view.asp?article=2363

I’m Indian. And Chinese. You? European? Porutgese? African? Chinese? Indian? Malay? Thai? Indonesian? Sarawakian? Sabahan?

Unfortunately, ‘being one’ just won’t cut it.

NOT.

We can’t help it, but culture does influence a relationship. In a good way, of course.

You probably wouldn’t want to date me because I’m Indian. And. Or. Chinese.
Why?
You probably wouldn’t want to be friends with me because I’m Indian. And. Or. Chinese.
Why?
You probably want to date me because I’m Indian. And. Or. Chinese.
Why?
You probably want to be my friend because I’m Indian. And. Or Chinese.
Why?

Everything has a reason to it. Ever wondered that we all could actually ‘be one’ if we put a stop to unnecessary judgments and bias (?)

If we stop looking down on a certain culture, race, and religion for once, don’t you think negative culture influence would just diminish?

Wouldn’t life be bliss then?

Expectations of and from a particular culture would be non-existent.
Through that, only positive expressions would be expressed all over the world.

Ever had the thought that you could make a difference in the world by initiating an attribute? Say, maybe, you could initiate the act of antiracism amongst your friends?

Distance between people due to culture would be absent.

My mom is Chinese. She married an Indian man. Uh-oh.
Too bad they’re 21 years late; they bred two Chindian kids already.

My best friend is an offspring of a Chinese mom and Eurasian dad.

My LAN group consists of two Malays, two Indians, one Euranese and one Chindian.

My Psychology assignment group consists of one Punjabi boy, one Chinese boy, one Malay girl and me, a Chindian girl. We’re doing a paper on discrimination of race.

Talk about muhibah. Talk about antiracism. Talk about initiation.

The works of peace is love working over time. :)

JcqV

You changed my life,
You cleaned me up,
You found my heart,
You pulled me up.

You’re everything I’m not,
You’re an angel,
It’s amazing how you’re patient
Even more at times, I’m not.

You’re my conscience.

Slightly reworded.
Nothing inverted.

Just thought I’d share this poem written by someone very dear to me.

First impressions are unconsciously important & the most common non-verbal communication that takes place everyday of our lives.

Deception. Unimportant but still very common. Verbal.

Gossip comes right after. Definitely verbal.


I see you everyday and I think:
He’s perfect,
He has beautiful eyes and stands tall with confidence,
The wide smile suits his handsome face just nicely,
He’s perfect.

You impress me. You attract me. You arouse me.

I’ll be your dream, I’ll be your wish, I’ll be your fantasy
I’ll be your hope, I’ll be your love, be everything that you need…

Then, you shower me with truckloads of deception.
And, unknowingly, I’m just loving every word you say.

Girl, you gotta be treated as one of a kind,
Use your mind,
Don’t be just another dime.
I can’t take seeing you with him,
Cause I know exactly what you’ll be:
Another priceless work of art,
In his gallery.

Finally, I have to find out that they talk.
They pierce. They stab.
They care.

You don’t. You never did. You never will.

Judgment comes last. Verbal or not, it exists.

Too bad, I am motivated not to care what people think of me as much anymore. :)

Lyrics : Truly, madly, deeply – Savage Garden
Gallery – Mario Vasquez

JcqV.

So yesterday, 23th September 2008, HMC celebrated its 4th Anniversary, so to say. So the HMC Student Council threw a Birthday Bash in order to celebrate it.

Yesterday was quite a whirlwind for me as there were quite a number of events that took place which i had to deal with and I'm gonna try my best to relate them to human com.

First off, The 'Talk'. As we all know woman and man are very different when it comes to communicating. The day before yesterday, i said a few things to a person (i shall not name) with an intention to just clear things up and getting my feelings and thoughts out. Little did i know, the person had actually misinterpreted my intention and also misunderstood some of the things i brought up. (Which tell us that not all communication is good, and conflict may occur even when we didn't mean for it to happen). Anyways, the next day, which was yesterday, we talked it out and resolve the misunderstanding without much drama. We may have use direct and indirect aggression to deal with it but its all good though i would admit it wasn't a win-win situation.

During Bday Bash, of course performances was what everyone was looking forward to. So come this dance group, which in my opinion perform just okay but that's not the end of it. One of the girl performer had really dressed inappropriate which cause many many different reaction from the crowd as she dance and 'inappropriate parts of her body was being revealed too much'. Now most of us there dont know her personally, and im very sure almost all of us just started judging her. I mean it's human nature to do so. So for you who were there? What was your impression of her? What kind of person do you think she is? I personally thought that she didnt know how to feel ashamed and other stuff i wont mention :P (Now, this shows how even your clothing can be used by other people to create an impression of you, part of non-verbal communication. So knowing this, people, learn ur lesson! and dress well and as deem appropriate though this may vary depending on your environment, the culture you live in and many more) Leaving this topic with a clip of an article i found:
'More than half of a first impression is affected by appearance - clothes, make-up, body language, gestures and facial expressions,' said Mahena Stief, a business psychologist in Munich.

Next, how many of us can admit we tend to tell white lies from time to time? Well, I can. Cause well, its true.(We usually tell white lies for the intention of face-saving). So, as the Bday bash was ending, I had 'a moment', and i started crying for reasons i wont disclose. Well of course i had my 2 friends sat there and comfort me through it. As we were sitting as the corner, a few people noticed and approach us asking why. And thinking as quickly as possible, Dila replied "Her back hurts". Haha. Smart move. Well my back did hurt like a few minutes before that, but its definitely not the reason as to why i cried. Well i guess, you can kindda consider that face saving, cause i definitely did not want other poeple knowing the real reason i cried. But I'm fine now.

To add, i just got to say thanks Dila and Tarra for being there for me that night and told a little white lie to save! me..and not forgetting Jeremy too for comforting me. I love ya'll!

All in all, yesterday was a pretty god day considering all that had happen and of course not to my surprise we can relate pretty much anything to the chapters we study in Human Com.

Reference:
1) Eva Numann, 2006, First Impression Counts;Apperance Must Match Personality, online, retrieved on 24th September 2008, from http://www.monstersandcritics.com/lifestyle/life/features/article_1237306.php/First_impressions_count_appearance_must_match_personality

This is my first post; one down, three to go.
What a drag.

I do not know what to write about, really. In fact, I'm writing this post right now without a title.

I mean, blogging by itself is purely communication even if we're writing nothing whatsoever about communication. I'm writing, and you're reading this. This is what I think, and you, whether you agree with whatever i say or not, are still reading this. Unless, of course, you don't have a heart and hate me so much, you'd just exit this window and turn your PC off. :)

After 4 hours...

I want to park my car at the peak of that mountain. I want to let the oncoming traffic know that I have stopped to park. When I'm ready to drive, I want to ride in my car with only one other passenger and drive on a one way street. May the street be bumpy and filled with potholes, or smooth. I just want to drive away with my one passenger all the way til the road has to come to an end organically.

Why don't boys understand? Right, Megan?
I've got a title for my post now. Thanks, Vick.

JcqV.

Interpersonal Communication as define before is the communication between 2 people (dyad).

The communication style between the 2 people would differ to the type of interpersonal relationship they have. This is so as they have different levels of intimacy and sharing, implying the discovery or establishment of common ground, and may be centered around something(s) shared in common.

• Friendship: emphasize the concept of friendship as a freely chosen association (communication will be more open, friendly)
  
• Acquaintance (less open and friendly compared to when talking with friends)
  
• Family: communication patterns establish roles, identities and enable the growth of individuals.(can be more or less open depending ones relationship with the family)
• Professional Relationship (Co-worker, Boss) (talk with a level of respect, standard and more organized)
  
• Romantic defined in terms of the concepts of passion, intimacy and commitment.(conversations are more intimate, comfortable depending on the couple's communication level)
  

Even with the different style of communication, meta communication (communication about communication) is important. Despite the fact, we rarely do it in any level of interpersonal relationship.

Moving on. During a human com lecture, this statement appeared on the powerpoint slide:

Interpersonal Communication on The Internet.
- less face-to-face contact reported. (well this is undoubtedly true, i cant argue with this statement.)
- Internet enhances communication quantity and quality. ( You've got to be kidding me! Dont you think when talking face-to-face you can get more across, typing takes time. And message you send across can definitely be misinterpreted and its easy to be misunderstood and vice versa) ( I know this by experience, its wouldn't be so bad if you knew the person in real life, but if you have never met the person, it would be really hard to tell the person's intention and character, and how he/she would approach a topic).

I was out of ideas to post. So while asking around on what to post about. Jeremy said a few things followed by blah, blah, blah (his version of people talking nonsense). So me being crazy, i googled it and i found this funny page which has this written:

Posted by David FG on May 08, 2005

In Reply to: Re: Talk nonsense posted by Bruce Kahl on May 08, 2005

: : : Can you give me a list of idioms that means to talk nonsense?

: : A bunch of crap
: : A load of cobblers
: : A load of codswallop
: : A load of crap
: : A load of rubbish
: : A pack of lies
: : All my eye and Betty Martin
: : Garbage in, garbage out
: : Give me a break
: : Horse feathers
: : It's all Greek to me
: : More money than sense
: : Mumbo jumbo
: : Oh, that way madness lies
: : Sheer madness
: : Stuff and nonsense
: : Talk through your hat
: : There's method in my madness
: : This is very midsummer madness
: : What a crock of shit

Haha! I just found it funny(at that moment) and pretty interesting. Now brush up on your idioms for your English essay or something. :P To related it to human com, a few lectures back we were talking about language, and how English is one weird language which can be very confusing at times.

Reference:

1) Terence A, Doyle, 2005, Types of Interpersonal Relationship, online, retrieved 22 September 2008, from http://novaonline.nv.cc.va.us/eli/spd110td/interper/relations/relations.html

2) David FG, 2005, The Phrase Finder, online, retrieved 22 September 2008, from http://www.phrases.org.uk/bulletin_board/41/messages/547.html

~Ash~

Do you think there is a difference between hearing and listening?
well,there is!
Hearing is simply the act of perceiving sound by the ear.
If you are not hearing-impaired, hearing simply happens.
Listening, however, is something you consciously choose to do. it requires concentration so that your brain processes meaning from words to sentences.
listening leads to learning.
Most people tend to be "hard of listening" rather than "hard of hearing."

here is a story.

mary and tom always talk.
they hear differently.
the filters they have from the experiences in their lives are very different. mary goes into an automatic mode when they talk sometimes, so she hear what she expects to or she interpret it as if it they speak different languages.
mary usually hear things as a negative about
Last night the doctor’s office called regarding the results of tom's MRI. The nurse told him to stay off his leg and they could have a wheelchair available when he arrives. Mary interpreted that and stated “there must be something that needs to be fixed”. tom heard ger said “there must be something really wrong”. I guess since they are just humans, we won’t listen. we would focus on think about what we are hearing to determine if we are really listening.
-marcia-

Having to wake up for classes that start at 8 in the morning has always been a bitch for me since i started college in 2006. But waking for class last wednesday(17.9.08) was a real pain in the arse due to the fact that i was up until 4.30 watching football, i still dont know why they have to play all their european games during the weekday and not the weekends.Even that i still stay up to watch every champions league game that liverpool plays, i cant explain why i do it but i just do.

So during this class we finished the last bit of non-verbal communication where we watched a few clips from tv episodes. Next we started a new chapter, interpersonal communication. through out the class i felt it was a bit slow except the part where the word intimacy came up and the lecturer was asking people in the classroom to define what it means and this clever boy who goes by the name of clement said "into you i see" which was what Guru Pitka a.k.a Mike Myers in the movie The Love Guru.That bit got my full attention..... im saying this with the full knowledge knowing my lecturer will be reading this in the days to come.

And then came this part of the chapter about The Developmental Perspective,Mark Knapp Model, which i found quite interesting. It shows us the stages in a relationship from the start to the end of it.
It start at the coming together stage:
initiating
experimenting
intensifying
then the relational maintenance stage:
intergrating
bonding
differentiating
circumscribing
and then the coming apart stage:
stagnating
avoiding
terminating

How nice it would be if we could skip the coming together stage and go straight to the relational maintenance stage and stay there without worrying about the coming apart bit.


__jiawei__

Non verbal communication can be anything from expressions, to body language, and and paralinguistic! and of course there are many more.

Just picking up and moving in to another direction from my last post, we will look at the female and male's body language when it comes to flirting. Hehe :P

Body Language is actually a nonverbal communication expressed by posture, stance, and bodily movement.

In general, these are the type of the body language expressed when one is falling in love.
( Note to people: Please dont take this too seriously. It might not be all true for everyone and i wont be held responsible if anything you take from this blows up in your face! :D )

• Smiling more and longer

If you have noticed that your special someone is smiling at you more or if the smile lingers for a while, then he or she is probably falling for you.

• Laughing more

You might realize that your mate has suddenly started laughing at more of your jokes and funny expressions. This is a sign that he or she is paying more attention to you and is appreciating you much more than before falling in love with you.

• Touching more

When talking, does your significant other touch you on the shoulder or hand in comfort much more? Touching the small part of your back if you are girl while walking through an entrance or hugging more are two other signs.

• Staring

People who have fallen in love with someone have a hard time concentrating on other people and things; you may catch your special someone staring at you out of the corner of your eye. This person may have a smile on his or her face and turn away quickly.

Now to narrow things a little.

These are the signs that a guy might be flirting with you. I just picked a few which i found interesting.

• Hands on hips - Guys instinctively will try to make themselves look bigger. This masculine approach is supposed to be link to mans ancestry to ward off competition and impress the female. combined with hooking the thumbs behind his belt can be pulled off by a confident male.
• Lend you his coat or jacket - Chivalry is still alive, just perhaps less noticeable nowadays. A great sign of flirting with a very personable touch. We know girls who would die for this to happen. A little favourite of girls in case you guys are interested.(Haha, i was shocked when i read this. It reminded me of someone, who? no need to know. Maybe its a sign as for all day for me to read this , it just had to be today! WOW!) ( If your wondering what i'm talking about and still dont know then your just not meant to know :P)
  
• Whisper and lean - A very good flirting technique to 'test' the waters as well. Girls love a secret and find the intimacy quite inviting with the right guy.
• Engages in direct eye contact.
• Casually touches you.

Now, signs of a girl possibly flirting with you.

• She keeps glancing over - Its human nature we keep looking towards who we are attracted to. The trick is to find out as some girls can be prone to avoid the one they are attracted to. Of course they cannot make it easy for you guys. So don't despair if you can't see her looking initially - she may be without you knowing!. (Haha, Im sure many girls can relate to this)
  
• Crossing and uncrossing her legs - This is great flirting language. Look for the other great move of her straightening her skirt yet showing a little more leg. (Haha. I can tell you now it doesnt always apply! Cause i like crossing and uncrossing my legs whether it's during a meal or in class!)
• Accidentally brushes past you - We both have seen this one so many times at the speed dating events, especially later in the night. We are amazed how many times guys do not pick up on it though. You have to be aware of everything happening!(Yeah people! Wake up, Realise! dont la be so Blur!)
• Casually touches to your arm, shoulder, thigh, or hand. (All i can say is, whoppsss! :P)

Reference:
1) LoveToKnow, 2008, Body Language When Falling In Love, online, retrieved 18 September 2008, from http://dating.lovetoknow.com/Body_Language_When_Falling_in_Love

2) Romance Stuck, 2008, Man's Guide to Flirting, online, retrieved 18 September 2008, from http://www.romancestuck.com/flirting/mans-guide-to-flirting.htm

3) Romance Stuck, 2008, Woman's Guide to Flirting, online, retrieved 18 September 2008, from http://www.romancestuck.com/flirting/womans-guide-to-flirting.htm

4) Top Flirting Tips, 2007, Male Body Language, online, retrieved 18 September 2008, from http://www.top-flirting-tips.com/male-body-language.html

i am not sure whether this post is related to human comm or not, but it is very interesting. so go ahead and read it.

1. I love you not because of who you are, but because of who I am when I am with you

2. No man or woman is worth your tears, and the one who is, won't make you cry.

-marcia-

Okay so. Beware this blog post might be a little sensitive. So to people who will be reading don't take offense to this.

There is a book titled "Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus" which shows how man and woman are so different in almost everything they do, think, act and many more. Same goes when it comes to communication and language, both man and woman uses different ways to communicate or use language. This may be a positive or negative thing.

From the book it is said that men are more logical and women are more emotional, thus when communication takes place men are more results oriented and prefer a more straightforward approach with the easiest route to the end, while women tend to communicate in a manner that is conducive and focused on building and salvaging relationships.

As that is said, we could tell that man and woman perceive things very differently. Something said by man for example could be taken in a totally whole different meaning by a woman. I guess God made man and woman different to compliment each other. Personally, I think there are many times this difference could lead to horrible stuff happening especially when it is communication in a relationship.

Example in this situation where a couple who just fought and before ending the fight the girl told the guy to have a day to think and work things out the next day. This is an example of how a conversation went so wrong with so little words.

Girl: So, what do u have to say for yourself.
Guy: I have nothing to say.
Girl: That shows that u just don't care about us.
Guy: I do care.
Girl: No, u don't. If you did you would try to say something.
Guy: Whatever i have in mind will make things worse.
Girl: Fine then. Don't talk to me.

Sounds cheesy? Yeah well cheesy or not, I can assure you it does and has happen.So you see, for the guy he just doesn't want to make things worse by not saying so much (easy way out) but for the girl, she takes it as he doesn't care about their relationship (emotional). Which in this case could totally wreck a relationship, due to the difference in man and woman in communicating. Especially if they aren't talking face to face! E.g: internet relationships.

This proves a statement in the book "Man are from Mars and Women are from Venus" that states, "Women are also more inclined to talk things out than a man would. Women want to resolve conflicts, or perceived conflicts, by discussing various aspects of the situation. They want to rehash the topic over and over until it has been worked over and wrung dry of useful information. Men, on the other hand, tend to clam up, preferring to refrain from discussing the issue, or "saying their piece" and then moving on. This can cause problems between men and women because the man shuts down and the woman feels neglected."

Okay well, besides love based relationship, these kind of misunderstanding can also happen between any man and woman whether they are friends or families. Whether its some jokes that may be taken too far, or comments that are took too sensitively it can happen between the same gender too as 2 people usually have different perceptions. But since we are talking about gender difference, to a girl when guys make a mistake, guys are jerks! (totally true in my state of mind right now, so don't mind me) and for guys when girls make a mistake, girls are just being too sensitive.

Let's talk a little of biology. "Gender Difference in Language Appear Biologically" is the title of research done by the Northwestern University and the University of Haifa. According to their findings, language processing is more sensory in boys and more abstract in girls. Also, the researchers found that girls still showed significantly greater activation in language areas of the brain than boys. Which tells us? Haha. Well its obvious, so i ain't stating it.

Reference:
1) Northwestern University, 2008, Boys' And Girls' Brains Are Different: Gender Differences In Language Appear Biological, ScienceDaily, online, retrieved on 13th September 2008, from http://www.sciencedaily.com­ /releases/2008/03/080303120346.htm

2) Leslie, T. ,2008, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus!, retrieved on 13th September 13, 2008, from http://ezinearticles.com/?Men-Are-From-Mars,-Women-Are-From-Venus!&id=969335